At the start of this year, I made a new goal for myself. Outside of the normal New Year’s resolutions you hear everyone dole out every year, I decided to do something a little different that would benefit me and my mental health for the long haul. I decided to set boundaries.

For a long time, I thought of setting boundaries as being a mostly harsh or confrontational way of dealing with potentially hostile situations. For this reason, up until this point, I had set very few boundaries in my life. So instead of saying no to things, I said yes. I said yes to things I would’ve preferred to say no to. I said yes to extra shifts, to plans I didn’t have the energy for, to being constantly available for everyone else besides myself.

What I didn’t realize was that avoiding boundaries wasn’t keeping the peace. In fact, it was doing the opposite, while quietly draining me.

As a working mom and ER nurse, I’ve learned that boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about showing up as a healthier, more present version of yourself, without resentment. And the good news? You can set them without burning bridges or feeling guilty.

The Moment I Knew I Needed A Change

Burnout doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it shows up as irritability, exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix, or that heavy feeling of resentment you don’t want to admit is there.

For me, it was realizing I was giving everyone else my best energy and leaving very little for myself. I wasn’t angry at anyone, but I was angry with myself for not showing myself the same kind of love and dedication that I was showing others.

That’s when I understood that my newest assignment: Set Boundaries.

Setting Boundaries – My Biggest Challenge

Many of us have been taught that being “nice” and “polite” means being available and helpful and that oftentimes, being helpful means putting yourself last. So when it comes time to set boundaries for yourself, it’s easy for the guilt to creep in and make you second-guess your decisions.

Like many others, I worried about disappointing people, being perceived as selfish, or damaging relationships that I valued. But it turns out, boundaries don’t damage healthy relationships. They strengthen them. They create clarity and understanding instead of unspoken and misperceived expectations.

One of the biggest mindset shifts for me was realizing that boundaries aren’t about changing other people’s behavior, but about clearly communicating my own limits. For this reason, you can’t control how someone responds to the boundaries you have set for yourself, but you can control whether or not you choose to honor the boundaries.

What Are Boundaries?

Clear boundaries sound calm. They don’t over explain. They don’t attack. They simply state what you can and cannot do. You don’t need the perfect speech. You don’t need a long justification. You simply need to be clear. Do not apologize and do not feel obligated to give an explanation. For example, “I can’t commit to that right now, but thank you for thinking of me.” Simple as that.

How I’ve Set Boundaries

Work:

Working 12-hour shifts taught me quickly that rest isn’t optional; it’s absolutely necessary. I’ve learned to protect my days off and say no to extra nursing commitments. It turns out I do not need to be on five committees or volunteer to increase staff morale with work events. Being a good nurse and coworker doesn’t mean sacrificing my health and overextending myself. I set boundaries.

Parenting:

I’ve let go of unrealistic expectations. There is no such thing as a perfect schedule. Nor am I going to be able to do it all. Keeping my relationship strong with my children, while maintaining our peace, is one of my biggest priorities. I set boundaries.

Family and Friends:

I no longer feel responsible for managing everyone else’s emotions. I show up with love and act accordingly. I have removed those who tend to manipulate and cause mental strife. I am present where wanted without overextending myself at the expense of my own well-being. I set boundaries.

The reality is, not everyone will love your boundaries. In fact, those who benefited from you having none will most likely hate them. It is important that you hold your ground and avoid any gaslighting. Remember, you chose to set boundaries for a reason. The right people will adjust.

What Boundaries Gave Me

I have learned that setting boundaries hasn’t made me colder. It has made me more present. I have more patience, more peace, and fewer unspoken resentments. The relationships that matter most have become healthier. And the ones that struggled showed me exactly where and why boundaries were needed.

Boundaries are one of the greatest forms of self-love. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you love others less. It means you respect yourself enough to protect your energy and mental well-being.

As a mother of daughters, I want to model what it looks like to say no without guilt and to choose peace without apology.